Articles
Where Do You Focus?
By Margaret J. Marcuson
I recently came across two quotes from Dr. Murray Bowen on leadership that struck me profoundly. "Whatever one has to influence the crowd has to do with changing oneself." And, "The minute one starts focusing on what is wrong with the other, one has lost one's orientation."
These comments move at a tangent to most advice for leaders today, which has to do with changing others. And this approach contrasts sharply with what most leaders do: we find it much easier to focus on what is wrong with the other. So whether it is the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, or an organizational conflict, or a difficult conversation with a spouse or teenager, the automatic response is to look at the other. But ultimately, this doesn't get us very far.
To look at myself as leader, minister, citizen, parent, wife, or human being means I have to be responsible. I have to own up to my part in whatever problem is at hand. That is painful and humbling. But it's more productive than blame: for one thing, it is easier to change myself (which is difficult) than to change others (which is impossible).
This does not mean we shouldn't hold others accountable for the responsibilities they have. Lack of accountability can be just as counterproductive as indiscriminate blame. Clear accountability is best carried out with thoughtfulness and without excessive reactivity (hard to do in a crisis, as we have seen recently).
When I focus on myself, I leave room for others to look at themselves. When I blame others, resistance and denial are the likely response. We can watch our language: "I think" "I believe" "I am going to" "I will" "I will not," rather than "you should" "you did" "you didn't." This is a lifetime process of learning, and I have to work on it every day at home and in the organizations I am a part of and with my clients.
But finally, as a leader, I have to come back to myself. What are my goals for myself, even in a crisis? What forces are at work in this situation that I have no control over and must let go of? What steps can I take, however small, to move toward my goals? Can I resist taking on blame that does not belong to me? Am I willing to take responsibility for the piece that does belong to me?
Margaret J. Marcuson is a leader of leaders, ordained minister, and teacher and student of human systems. She speaks and writes on leadership and works with faith leaders nationally as a consultant and coach. She is based in Portland, Oregon. Sign up for her monthly newsletter, The Leadership Adventure, at www.margaretmarcuson.com
